Bandler’s Ways

Did we enjoy the rest of the course? You bet! Bandler made sure we did in the most unorthodox way. This is how I read him. He clearly had an overview of what he was aiming for and at the same time he kept his eye open to see how we were progressing and what changes he meant to make so that we all gained something from the course. Within the first few days of the course he had grasped what kind of audience he had. He liked our group very much because it was full of the energy that arises from enthusiasm. He knew exactly which delegates were enthusiastic. He recognised that Paul and I were two of that number. In every course there is usually at least one person that no-one wants to work with, and the opposite, someome who throws their weight about. He dealt with both of them in his own way. I think he aimed to help the weak ones who lacked confidence and he slapped down the over- confident.

In every group with at least fifty members there always seem to be at least one person that no-one wants to work with.

There were two or three such people who appeared to have no idea about how to approach strangers in a pleasant way. It is very understandable that such people are rejected. Especially when we are on a learning course where we need to work in small groups for which we pay money, we automatically look for people who exude a pleasant manner.

One of these was a woman who was in no way attractive. One day when Pedro and I were having an animated talk over the breakfast table she made an attempt to join us. Pedro sent her off at once. “Don’t you see we are having a private conversation?” he said. When Bandler was instructing us in a new technique, he took aside two people who were left on their own and went out of his way to show them what to do. He gave a lot of time to the woman who interrupted us and managed to get across enough help to give her some idea of what she was supposed to be doing.

There was a man who was wandering about trying to find what group he was supposed to belong to. He was tall, attractive and quite capable of looking after himself. Bandler said sharply where did he think he was going. He then looked around and soon found his group. “You can’t get through your life with height and good looks!” he said. Bandler told us not to make notes, but I did anyway. This man asked me if I would lend him mine. I refused. I couldn’t help liking Bandler. He was perceptive, clever and very funny and he was kind to those who needed it.

Soon after I arrived, a man from Canada came up to me and said “What a bright yellow halo you have!”. No-one had said any such thing to me before. Very few people have this gift. A few days later he spoke to me again. “Half of your halo has gone black. What is troubling you?”. I told him I had a message from my husband in England that things were getting worse with my business. “But don’t worry. Enjoy yourself. I am keeping an eye open for you.” my husband told me.

I had never met anyone who could read halos before. I believed that this must be a gift some people have. The ability to see emotional states through colour. The next day he came up to me again and said “Now it is shining brightly” I am an up- and- down person. Blows hit me hard but I very soon recover. On the whole I am happy and optimistic. Sensitive people notice it, but not by seeing colours. I have always run my own life and never asked for help or advice except financial help from the bank, if I am sure enough that I can pay it back. I find this to be the best way to live. I take full responsibility, and get roughly equal quantities of good and bad luck, because I think hard about all the possible things that could go wrong.

I worked with two multi-millionaires, separately of course, when I became a psychotherapist. I told each of them they must be optimistic to have done so well. Each gave the same response. They both thought they were pessimists because they made out lists of all that might go wrong and all that might go right. He made his choice by selecting the longest of the two lists. That is what happens when you trust your own judgement and take risks. Is it worth it? Yes it is, providing you know yourself well enough. Most of us think we do but we don’t. It is very unlikely that something is going to drop out of the sky into your lap. My best advice comes from somewhere inside me. For instance, when I am writing I often find myself going down a path I hadn’t chosen. I call this inner voice “my daemon”. He is usually right. You might ask me “What sort of being is a daemon?”. That’s easy. If you take notice of the mistakes you have made and remember them so that they don’t happen again you are creating for yourself a guide you can trust.

Richard Bandler does not read halos but I think he is very good at summing up people.

 

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